In Loving Memory…

So its been a few weeks since I felt I could get on here and share this. But at the beginning of the month my beautiful cat Indy passed away. My mom immediately emailed me to let me know what happened and I think they were baffled as she was one minute sleeping and then the next minute gone. I know she was having issues with blood in her urine and from what the vet told me when it first happened was crystallisation in her kidneys which told me either her kidneys were shutting down slowly or there was some kind of issue like cancer or kidney disease that we did not know. I knew it was coming but I don’t think I expected it so soon after I left and for it to be abrupt. I thought maybe she’d go to the vet and they’d announce she had something that required her to be put to sleep as she was too old to fight it. And since I wasn’t there I have no idea if she had any symptoms like Missy did when she went through Kidney Disease. All I know is I hope she wasn’t in pain and she was as happy as she could be sleeping in a bed. I remember the day I left too. I was crying because I knew it was going to be the last time I saw her and I felt like I was abandoning her. I was happy to be able to see my husband but I missed her so much. I think I even cried a few days after showing up too and struggled to sleep not just because of the time change but because I didn’t have her snuggled up with me as I had every night for years. I knew she missed me and there was nothing I could do to make her feel better. But at least I had my mom taking good care of her. And now that I don’t have to worry about her and how she’s doing because I know she’s doing good and she’s in a better place with my dogs and cats I lost before. I also don’t feel guilty about the love I have for Grey because he’s been a huge comfort and I never forgot about her. My love for cats and the ones I’ve own (or been owned by) has never been short or not been enough for all of them. It’s hard to put into words so I hope I’m not being confusing. Anyway it has been hard for me to type this but I’m glad I did too as I wanted to say more about her and my memory of her. She was a beautiful sweet cat that wanted nothing more than to be the centre of your attention, I think it was a unique trait in her as I don’t think I ever had a cat be so happy from the moment I found her and fed her to this last year when I would come home from work and she would come running to greet me. I actually had to take about 20 minutes to let her lay in my lap and pet her until she was satisfied and I could do something else to unwind from my day.

And to tell you something else I’ve found rather strange. My cat Grey who loves to come into our room and lay on the bed with or without us, has twice this week laid in my lap while in bed. It’s something he’s not really done before as he usually either sleeps at the end of the bed or right next to me. Beyond him laying in my lap on the couch I usually have to pull him and lay him in my lap or on my stomach in order him to lay there but he’s come there of his own accord. It’s like he knew that lap belonged to someone else and he wasn’t going to take it until he knew it was okay. Its like laying on a lap in bed is a privileged position that only a few get to do. Anyway I shall leave this with a photos¬†of my Indy River during happy times.

Found July 4th 1998-Passed March 4th 2015

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Farewell England!

So my last day in England.

I got my dissertation on Saturday. Got to see my marks and comments. Of course got a little annoyed with some of it. One thing I wasn’t surprised with was some of the comments were repeats. I guess I just didn’t get what he wanted me to do. Either way it’s over with.

I’ve packed pretty much everything I can. There are a few things I have to leave behind. Hopefully some of it can fit in Mike’s bags when he comes otherwise it will just stay here or can be shipped to me if I really miss it.

I’ve not been as emotional or weepy as I thought I would be. But it’s a bit different this time. I know I’m going to see him at Christmas and even though it is quite a bit away I’ll see him in the Fall when we get married. The first two times when I saw him first and then he came to see me I started crying a few days before the end of the trip because I wanted more time with him. I remember after I dropped him off at the airport the first time I had to run to the bathroom so I could cry. I’m one of those people who hates to let others see me cry especially complete strangers so I prefer to weep in private. It was kind of funny cause I got to a point where I thought I was okay enough to leave the stall and a song came on and it was so freaking sad that it got me started all over again. Finally I thought I need to go home at least I can lock myself up in my room and cry! My mom didn’t understand why I was so upset cause I was going to see him again but it was the fact I hate being separate from him! Even when I was in Leeds I thought I preferred to be at his. Granted his house had a lot of benefits that my student studio didn’t have including silence at night!

I had a nice weekend. Friday we watched a few films together, Saturday we spent some quality time together before he had to go to a brass band concert and then we had people over as a last time game night. I’ve really been glad to get to know and become friends with some of Mike’s friends. I’ll be glad to see them again at the wedding. I even got a card today from one of his friends and his wife. Mike’s godmother gave me an early Christmas present of American money when I returned her books she lent me. Sunday we went to Bronte Country and I got see the house they lived in that was turned into a museum. I wish I could have taken photos but there was no photography or video allowed. I really enjoyed it and it made me want to read the books I have and the ones I don’t have yet. I think my favorite was Jane Eyre. I remember when we were in the car and saw the moors I kept thinking about Jane traveling through them when she left Mr. Rochester before coming to her cousins’ place.

Then there was Anne Bronte’s Agnes Grey when she was in Scarborough. I got to see what she saw going down the large hill to the beach (granted with a ton of arcades that weren’t Victorian). That’s one of the biggest things I’ve loved about these novels I can visual what they saw when they were writing the manuscripts.

Anyway I’m getting distracted. I really enjoyed it there obviously lol We looked around some shops. I finally got to try a macaron (the french kind not the coconut kind) it was a mini one. It was vanilla with marzipan in the middle. Mike had a chocolate one. I’m definitely going to have to start making them. We went to dinner at a restaurant I quite like and have been wanting to go to but it seems that they have gone down in the service and quality. Almost every time we’ve gone they’ve been out of food. It’s kind of surprising really if they’re that popular. But I enjoyed my lamb shank pie and churros sundae. I also had my very last glitterberry J20, it’s only around during the holidays and it tastes like cherry jolly ranchers.

Today I got a visit from the neighbor across the road. She was giving me a send off and we were talking about marriage and family. I can’t wait to see her again next year.

I’m going to miss Grey like crazy though. I picked him up earlier and thought I need to snuggle him a lot today and I nearly let loose the waterworks. I’ve got some quality time in with Mogs and Minnie as well. I wonder if Minnie will act weird now that I won’t be there. Mogs won’t be as bothered I’m sure but I wonder she’ll be afraid of me again the next time I’m around. I at least got to give her belly a good rub and a nice chin scratch.

I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get home. I did warn my mom I might be a bit tired and crabby. I’ll be glad to see Indy again. Things should be okay, I’ll just have to get used to everything again.

And before I know it Christmas will be here and I’ll have my most wanted present, Mike. ūüôā

I might write another entry or two once I’m home again. But this is the end really. I’ve really enjoyed writing this blog and been happy to get more followers. I don’t think I ever expected to get so many people liking it and coming back for more. Hopefully they will like whatever I come up with next. ūüôā

It’s been a great year.

Fountains Abbey

These are my selected photos I took of Fountains Abbey. If you wish to see a larger version just click on the photo.

Money Money Money, Must be Funny in A Rich Man’s World

So Friday went well I think.

Besides the fact that I along with many others ran out of time with our presentations so I had to quickly wrap it up. There was so much I wanted to say that I didn’t get to. I also found out I didn’t actually have to be there at 9am. I could have showed up at 2pm and have been fine. I was also late which had me quite anxious and to find it wasn’t an issue was a bit of a relief. But I’m glad I was there all day. I got to support at least one of my fellow classmates that I have gotten along with this year. There was another one whose presentation was in the first section but he ended up being a no-show. I’m quite surprised and was a little¬†disappointed¬†since I had missed his in progress presentation when he had been there for mine. I tried sending him a message but got no response. I just hope everything is okay with him since I don’t think that was a decision made lightly. I know I¬†panicked during the end of the second semester because of having an issue with one of my classes. I did end up turning something in because I spoke with my professor and didn’t fail the class. I also noticed while I was awaiting my presentation that I didn’t have that nervous feeling all day and I wasn’t that nervous when I did my presentation. I do wish I had practiced though. I would have known what I was going to say better.

Anyway I ended up having a headache at the end when it was my turn to present. I had taken something a little bit before but it wasn’t working because when I met up with my fiance and his parents a few hours later for dinner. I still had it and it was worse. I didn’t get a¬†celebratory¬†glass of wine because that does make my headaches worse if I already have one. So I thought I’d try a amaretto and coke (if you haven’t mixed that ever before try it, it tastes like Dr. Pepper) and my headache surprisingly got better. I decided to get a second one that was a double and then the headache came back with a¬†vengeance. I think cause I had been up over 12 hours by that point my body was just like, dude get into bed but I was still at the restaurant so it had to wait a bit. When I got home that night I had every intention to go to bed before 8pm something I probably haven’t done since I was a kid. But when I got into bed I thought I’d keep the tv on so I could possibly fall asleep to it and had Grey under the covers with me (and kneading my belly). I ended up staying up until sometime between 1am and 1:30 because a movie I hadn’t seen in a while came on and then another one and to be honest I was feeling better. Mike was downstairs the whole time until about 2am so he wouldn’t disturb me and then got sucked into doing a little online gambling. It’s funny before I met him I really never gambled. I think mostly because I had to go to a casino to do it and couldn’t be bothered. Here they have fruit machines in restaurants and bars. They’ll also have little chains that you can go into and bet on games or sports or play a¬†multitude¬†of slot machines. I remember the first time I came over to England to meet Mike, we went into this one called Cashino and they were having a Halloween raffle that every person got a ticket for when they came in. I didn’t really understand how the machines worked at the time so I kind of just played. I ended up leaving with 30 quid more than I started with because I won some money on a machine plus I won the raffle of the hour.

I remember when he came to St. Louis we also went to like 3 different casinos, one was just cause it was there and we needed to use the toilet. The second was to try the buffet and then we went in. And the last one was supposed to be where a lot of my friends got to meet him if they couldn’t come to the first event I had. That last one was okay. It was annoying because once we were in the casino we got carded at least 3 or 4 times despite the fact you are carded when you go in. My fiance is going to be 29 this year and looks younger than 18 let alone 21. One person decided to card him because of the way he pronounced amaretto until they realized the reason why was because he was English. But then I won 200 dollars randomly off a slot machine. So that’s a big pro.

I’ve also recently realize how much fun¬†roulette¬†is. Mike got a Groupon for the casino he’s a member of here for a 2 course meal for 2 or 4 people. We went with his friend Hannah and her boyfriend and actually had a pretty good night. It’s one of the kind of places that you don’t feel like you have to spend money cause it’s that nice. His friend didn’t at all if I remember correctly, she just kind of watched and hung out. And at the time I wasn’t sure if I was going to either but I saw the options for roulette and quite enjoyed it. Then getting a few wins on random numbers was nice. I also watched how you play Black Jack too though I didn’t participate. We ended up coming out pretty well having played roulette¬†mathematically¬†as well as on random numbers.

Anyway enough about gambling. Don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea I’ve got a gambling problem because I have an¬†appreciation¬†for it. Once I talked to a guy about the Anheuser-Busch family because I had read a biography about the family and about what they do when you visit the brewery and he accused me of being an¬†alcoholic. Not something I take too lightly considering it runs in my family and while I enjoy alcohol I am careful when I drink.

Anyway despite the finish to my course I still have been a bit stressed and to top it off I’ve gotten another cold. Now that my course is finished, the student loans I had back in the states are no longer in deferment and I didn’t know you only get that 6 months grace period once. So I got some loans due now and I have absolutely no money now and despite me applying for many jobs week after week for many months I still haven’t even gotten an interview with anywhere. That one I thought I had the possibly of getting has completely fallen through. I’ve been trying what I can to try to get out of debt and have asked family for help. But there’s only so much help they can give and only so many times I can ask. I feel terrible asking for help too, I don’t like being in debt to others and I feel like a bum every time I ask for help but I can’t do anything else. I’m starting to think I might need to go home earlier than planned so I can have a better opportunity to get work but then there’s the damn plane ticket! I have been feeling a bit depressed because every time I get an email thanking me for applying also informing me I haven’t been shortlisted kind of kills me a little and getting another email letting me know another bill is due, thankfully it has been fewer emails about bills since some of them have been paid off. But then telling my family I need help and being reminded of what they have already done for me or reminded me they don’t have that much money as well or both. I don’t know what else to do! I’m already doing what I can and I’m not asking for handouts, I’m asking for loans until I can pay them back. And I’m getting married in a year! There are some solutions I’ve come up with to make things cheaper but I still have half the venue plus a deposit to pay for and someone to marry us. It shouldn’t be too hard to do but then there’s all this debt with people and student loans! Plus I need to make sure I got a plane ticket for next November when the UK reception happens. Looks like I won’t be doing a whole lot when I go home. Wish there was something that could make me feel better whether it’s a freaking lifeline, a job, or anything really that involves me taking my mind off money.

You know it’s funny how I sometimes kind of start off positive in a blog or on one subject and I sometimes go the other end of the spectrum. I talked about my presentation and now it’s about my last of money or job prospects. I feel I should end on a positive note though. I think I’ll share a quick and kind of funny story about Grey.

On Friday I got up at 6:30, Grey has recently decided that’s what time he wants to be fed and let out (if the weather isn’t bad). So since I was up I didn’t have an issue with it. Well I ended up going to the bathroom first before I went downstairs. My mother in law got up too cause she had to go teach somewhere and was giving me a ride to the train station. I don’t know if she fed him before he went outside but by the time we were leaving he was wanting in. unfortunately he wanted to bring in the bird he had caught and was dying in his mouth. I was out before my mother in law so I tried to get him to drop it and he wouldn’t. He just kept meowing which I didn’t know a cat could do while holding something like a critter in his mouth. He was also most like he was saying, would you let me in already so I can put this thing down? I wouldn’t let him come in though cause no one else was up and we weren’t sure if the bird was still alive. After both us failed to get him to drop the bird we decided we needed to go. He went to the side of the house and then dropped the bird and there was no movement so I went to pick him up and he picks the bird up again. I realized there was no way he was going to come in without the bird. So I let him be at the side of the house and we left and I sent Mike a warning text in case he tried to bring the bird in later. He didn’t in fact they don’t know what he did with the bird. He either took it somewhere else or he ate it (bleh). He is a pretty good mouser though, just yesterday he left a dead mouse at the backdoor. He seems to like letting us know of his presents and be praised for it. I don’t agree with him killing them (especially the birdy) but at least we know he won’t bring them in alive like Mogs does. She does kill them sometimes but generally she brings them in alive to play with and they get under furniture.

Stratford Weekend/Marsden Day

So my Sunday trip to Stratford didn’t really go as well as planned. It rained like hell. Weird combination there but not even 15 minutes after we got there it started raining. There was this really cool street performer too that I really wanted to photograph but by the time I had gotten back to her it was raining and she had moved on cause her paint would have washed off. But I will at least describe her. She stood out. I don’t know if was the gold paint on her face or the fact that it looked like she was sitting on nothing but a large stick. She was also holding a woven heart that was wooden, or at least looked wooden. Her head was covered in a wrap and she kind of struck me as like a Hindi God kind of look. She was above a woven mat as well that had a jar saying Follow Your Heart. I remember really looking at her entire display and thought it was so cool. So did Mike, we were holding hands as we walked by and commenting on it. As I looked at her and down at her jar I looked back up at her and she was watching us and smiling as she clutched her heart. I really should have just stopped right there and taken a photo because she looked beautiful but I thought when I’ve gotten to Shakespeare’s house I’ll come back. But like I said it started to rain and I saw her move on. She didn’t notice us but she walked right by us not looking too pleased at the rain. I should know as a photographer to take the opportunity when you take it. But I didn’t and when that happened I knew I had to burn that image of her in my head to share. I wish there was a visual that I could show you all. But that’s all I can do.

So beyond that not much has been going on. I didn’t enjoy the weekend that much, the few things I wanted didn’t really happen and all I kept thinking the whole time was that I wanted to be home snuggling with Grey. He’s been staying with us at night. Since his little accident we’ve been sure to let him out before bed and he’s snuggled with us on the bed. He sleeps the whole night and generally doesn’t want out or food until about the time Mike’s alarm goes off. He seemed like he wasn’t feel that good today. His¬†eye was a bit weepy and seemed to be kind of mopey. But then Mike came back with KFC and boy did he perk up! He got to enjoy some fillet pieces practically jumping Mike for some pieces. After that I gave him his real dinner. I think he’s outside since he hasn’t come back up but I think he feels a lot better. I kind of think he was wanting to be around us more but he was outside for a bit today (the weather has been nice for a change) and we were out visiting a little town that has a visitors center for the canals. I took some photos which I will share as well as what I was able to take in Stratford.

So tomorrow is my presentation of my dissertation. I will be all nerves and likely having a pint or two during my lunch since I am the very last person to go. So I’m finished as of 3pm tomorrow (London time). I also seem to be having semi success with a job application. Hopefully I’ll have a job by November at the very least ūüôā

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Edit: I seriously need to stop forgetting to add a title. This like the third or fourth time. If I don’t do one right away I tend to forget. Also to update on Grey. He went out before he had his breakfast this morning and brought back dying bird as I was leaving. I know it was dying because it’s legs were twitching as he tried to bring it in the house. I couldn’t let him in or make him drop it. So I guess he got his own breakfast. Bleh.

Bored Bored Bored

So I’m finding myself to be continually bored. I submitted my dissertation last Wednesday and I was expecting things to be calm and quiet when I got there.

Boy was I wrong!

It’s freshers week so there were a ton of students there, new and returning and it wasn’t so bad getting there. The more annoying part came when I was wanting to leave and there was a congestion at the bus stop as well a storm passing through. I had forgotten my umbrella and normally I wouldn’t care if I got a little wet but that day I did. I was going to dinner and the theatre that night with Mike and his parents to see Phantom of the Opera and since it was in Leeds I just dressed in the nice clothes I was going to wear that night. Well since the bus stop sheltered was crammed with students, I was forced to wait outside it, then it started raining. I kept debating about seeking shelter over waiting out the bus, it did say it was due but it was very late. So I decided to stay and a bus did show up just not the one I needed but I did managed to get in the sheltered and in time to save myself from heavier downpour. But then the bus I wanted did show up. And in order to make sure I got decent seat I was one of the first people in line, the heavy downpour got heavier and I was out of the shelter. I had on my thickish winter coat because it was quite chilly that day and I knew it would be colder by the time the¬†performance¬†was done. It also covered most of my dress too so I managed to not get overly soaked. But my coat and the back of my dress did and all these other students got it just as badly as me. I was dry by the time I met up with my in-laws but my wet coat left me a bit cold. I wish I could say I enjoyed the evening but with how tired I was from running around and cold from the rain (my pit stop at Starbucks only helped a little bit) made me a bit cranky. The place we ate at was fine but I wanted to try somewhere new and we walked a long way to decide where to go and then the seats at the theatre were Victorian and not made for comfort or space so I couldn’t completely enjoy the¬†performance. It got to a point where I wanted to leave that’s how badly I wanted to go home. Mike and I both agreed that we wouldn’t attempt to go to a performance there again unless we got the expensive box seats since the lack of space was quite¬†hard on our knees. I felt like an old woman trying to walk down the steps later.

I’ve started the work on my presentation but do find myself distracted. It doesn’t take much really but it’s not like my dissertation where I really needed to be¬†concentrated¬†on it. I think I’m nearly done with that actually and I don’t need that until next week.

But this last week has been doing a bit of job hunting, finally finding some jobs I can apply for, taking it easy and starting to look into when to go home. It’s been quite a bummer finding how high the ticket prices are. I don’t really get why ticket prices are higher for a single ticket rather than ones where you get a return. We’ve also realized that I’m going to have to go home sooner since I’m not restricted by a job which has its benefits but I really hate flying by myself. It gives me such anxiety and I never know what to expect, I think I’m always worried about missing a connecting flight plus all the stuff I got. We are thinking I might just need to decide what I really want sent home after the fact. I’m thinking I will just leave some things here that I don’t absolutely need like some of my books. I will get to meet up with my friends before Mike comes so we’re not rushing to meet this person and that person while he’s here. It might actually be more like a vacation for him as well as us planning a bit more for the wedding. But I am worried about money as usual. I had to spent quite a bit to print my dissertation so instead of nearly having enough for a plane ticket I am a bit short. Thankfully I will be more free for work but I guess I am a little worried since I’ve never worked in the UK and I haven’t worked in over a year. And then I’m going to have to start that process all over again when I come home. I already have a few library websites saved to look for work though I am going to be open to stuff that is at least is full-time and pays the bills and funds the wedding.

Speaking of which, one of the designers I like seems to now have prices listed for the dresses I’m preferring which just puts them out of the price range I’m thinking. And even with the limit I’m allowing myself, that extremely generous. I’d rather not spend that much on a dress but I am planning at some point to try those dresses on and if I like them, I’m might search for an Esty designer to see if they’ll make it for me at a better price and maybe a bit shorter. I definitely favoring the tea length dresses. So those are some things to keep in mind. I haven’t done any dress shopping yet with the mother-in-law but she keeps looking at places.

Oh and I have a very funny story to tell of Grey. I don’t know if I mentioned once before about Mogs recently brining in a live mouse and it hiding under the couch in the front room. Well Mogs when she lets it loose and tries to find it (this most recent one isn’t the first time she’s caught one and let it loose) she gets too excited and can’t pinpoint the scent. We’ve discovered that Grey is much better at it. On this night where she couldn’t find it, Grey jumps off the couch as he sees her and the rest of us looking for it and just kind of points it out by sniffing at a part of the couch and sitting there. I then see where it is and he leaves the room. Mogs at this point is still trying to find it. So that said, Grey was bugging me one day last week for food after I had already given him some maybe an hour or so before. I can’t remember if I check to see if there was food or not but I wouldn’t give in to his pleas. So he kind of settles down for a bit then decides to go outside. Next thing I hear is him meowing and my father in law yelling to warn me he’s brought in a mouse. So I jump up because I don’t want it loose in the bedroom. I open the door to find Grey is already sitting there and there is something on the ground. He just sat there purring away and sitting so proudly as if to say, “Look what I got for you! Can I have some food now?” So I patted his head and walked around him to get some paper towels, the mouse was dead though it looked as if it was a heart attack rather than an injury that killed him though he very well could have crushed it carrying the little guy. I then fed Grey and disposed of the poor little mouse. I just hope he doesn’t plan to do that again the next time I won’t feed him lol

He got to stay in last night too though got to and forced to are two different things. I bet the way he saw it was he wasn’t allowed to go out and he wasn’t allowed to snuggle in bed with someone. He is a serious snuggler. If someone is in the bed with him he will move to where he is laying next to if not on the person. It’s quite cute when he does that. Last night he got up to go downstairs so Mike and I got into bed and we thought his parents would put him out but I guess they decided not to cause of the weather so instead of him being content with the cat bed, he just laid on top of the steps and would meow a bit anytime there was movement cause I know each time I woke up I would hear him whine. He also left a little present by the backdoor. We’re going to have to litter train him it seems. Based on what I found today it shouldn’t be too different from a kitten and thankfully the in-laws don’t have an issue with it. So once that happens he’s just going to have to get along with the girls and snooze with them in the front room at night. It shouldn’t be too hard to do.

Anyway I think that was it. Not much has gone on. I’m leaving this weekend for the band competition that Mike and his mom are in. Sunday we’re going to go to Stratford Upon Avon so I get to see Shakespeare’s house again! It’s been 11 years since I went there and I was in a jet lag coma I think. Most of us just slept on the bus until we got somewhere. I do remember bits and pieces but my photos from there aren’t that great since the camera I used wasn’t very good. So hopefully I’ll have some nice photos to share!

Grey in Action

It’s a shame you can’t upload videos on here without paying extra.

I haven’t talked about Grey in a bit. He’s doing great. He got dewormer and flea stuff a few weeks ago. He still goes out at night but it’s his own choosing though it looked like last night the in-laws were going to let him stay in cause one of the cat beds was in the downstairs hallway (it was raining pretty hard last night) but I guess he decided he wanted out. Anyway I did a video of him today playing. I think it’s the best thing I’ve managed to capture of him in action. Just wished I would have gotten it when I saw him laying under the bed runner. I might have had one less scratch on me! I forgot how much I used to get scratches from my cats back home. In the last few weeks I’ve gotten one from each. I had one from Mogs on my left arm that’s turned into a scar now. Grey accidentally left a really long scratch on my right forearm, I think he slipped or was trying to get off my lap cause I had picked him up. Then Minnie got me in the finger the other day when I was trying to throw up a leaf she was playing with for her to catch, she tried to grab the leaf and got me instead. And today alone I’ve gotten like 3 scratches on my fingers from playing with Grey. But I’m okay with that! Anyway here’s the video.


Edit: Okay I don’t understand why this video looked like it was fine last night and now isn’t imbedded. I’ve tried again.

No More Teachers, No More Books…

So I’m attempting to write this post sideways cause I have a Grey in my lap. He hasn’t tried to lay in my lap for a while so I’m taking advantage of it. Minnie came in a few minutes after he did and just stopped and stared at him like, how dare you that’s my lap! She a big lap cat. I think I posted once about her getting jealous of my laptop because it was on my lap. So I haven’t had much happening lately. And I realized I’m faced with something I’m rather baffled by.

I have time on my hands. When did that happen?

I finished writing my dissertation last week. And the only thing I have left to do is edit it, or I should say have my fianc√© look at it and tell me how to make it more “English”. My supervisor likes to nitpick at how I word stuff because let’s face it, I’m American and I don’t sound¬†sophisticated¬†enough. He says I write like I’m working for Fox News and I don’t know if I should feel insulted or not ¬†by that. But I know that after high school my writing style had to change. I was taking some kind of secondary English/writing class (it was required) and I’m willing to admit that a lot of things such as parts of speech kind of go over my head. So I had the professor give me a pretty bad grade for one paper and he actually wrote on there to see him for help. I did, because I remember I made such an effort and I didn’t want another bad grade for something I was missing. I actually respected him more for that. Then we schedule a time and worked on a paper and he saw where I had weaknesses (I got a free short story book from him too that was just lying in the room we were working in). I wish I could say he completely changed my writing style and changed how I see things. He did change my writing style to something more serious and out of a high school level but I still struggle to see the parts of speech and unless I continually try to do things to figure it out like I had to in school, I was a part of the special school district, I have a learning disability though I couldn’t tell my exact problem because for many years I didn’t know and I have since lost the paper work, all I can say is I don’t have ADD unlike my mom and brothers and that it affected my math and as well as understanding the English language which also helped me to get out of taking any foreign language classes. Not to say I didn’t want to but if I have a hard enough time understanding English, what makes you think I’d get Spanish or French?

Anyway back to what I was saying, that professor helped me and I always appreciated anyone that went out of their way to help me understand things that were baffling me. I’ve found I’ve really enjoyed all the professors I’ve had here but for maybe one (I was quite¬†intimidated¬†by him but I think that was more my perspective of him than what he actually was.) and I couldn’t really say that for all of the professors I had for my undergraduate. I didn’t like a lot of them because they didn’t make me feel like I was worth anything. I was a transfer student when I went to Webster University and I had one teacher tell me that I may have been a junior but my work was that of a sophomore. Gee thanks, you’re so nice. I wasn’t the only one she said that to either, one of my friends who was as well a transfer student was told the same thing. It didn’t make sense that we were being given crap for not going there the whole four years. I don’t think those that are teachers realize how much they can tear a person down with stuff like that, it doesn’t just stop when we grow up, college teachers can do the same. There is giving constructive¬†criticism and then there’s making someone feel less worthy as a person or professional. I’m willing to admit I’m quite sensitive to that kind of thing, remember that incident with the bone marrow donor, I haven’t been able to not feel bad about my weight since then and it hasn’t changed much with the effort I’m giving. I’ve realized I don’t eat a lot but I have my moments, my diet has changed a bit but it’s really hard to exercise when it gives you pain. I can’t be on my feet walking or standing for too long or my left foot starts hurting every time I walk. I’m more than sure I have plantar¬†fasciitis because my mom has had it for years and I¬†recognized¬†the symptoms and then looking it up I see I fit the description. I’ve actually ordered an arch support wrap that will make it easier for me to get around with or without shoes. I might make an attempt with Mel B again :p. Though I will say that even though I didn’t always like my professors for how I felt they treated me, I respected most of them.

Anyway beyond that I guess I’m writing for a few reasons. I got an email today saying that one of my favorite professors has taken a ¬†“voluntary redundancy” I have no idea what that means. I understand voluntary and I understand redundancy. Is it just a clever way of saying retired? My supervisor told me that a few weeks ago when I asked why the email to this professor wasn’t working. It does make me a bit sad because he was always very help and he was funny in his awkward way. I’m hoping he’ll be there when we have the presentations because I want to see him again and thank him for what he’s taught me.

I also had a hit and miss with a job opportunity at school. They have work at the moment but unfortunately it required you to be there full-time. The guy that called me didn’t realize I was still doing my course and won’t be available for full-time work until after these job¬†opportunities¬†finish. But they said they’ll have lots more when school starts. So I’m hopeful.

So yeah I have a¬†ridiculous¬†amount of time. My dissertation is due in a few weeks. So I’m hoping to get Mike to finish editing it by this weekend and I can get it bound next week and turn it in early! (Now wouldn’t that be awesome?) Then I got the presentation to work on. But I decided I would start on that next week.

So what have I been doing? Watching tv and playing on the sims mostly. My internet hasn’t been that good lately. We realized it wasn’t capped like we thought. It’s either the router that needs replacing or it the cable that my father in law¬†accidentally¬†cut through and patched up. It makes it really hard to do anything online at times and with another person here also using the internet it’s kind of like a fight to use it. I can’t really talk to my mom on Skype either since that is the only thing I can do is talk to her. Otherwise the connection goes a bit weird if I look something up.

Oh and speaking of fighting for something. It appears I have competition with Grey. Mike’s friend who is staying with us (I’ve managed to resist writing a rant blog about him) likes the cat as well so when he comes upstairs and does his meow, we both call for him. And sometimes he opens the door before me and manages to get Grey for a few hours. I’m willing to admit I am very jealous. Mike and I talked about it last night. I’m acting like a child that doesn’t want to share their toys because when it came to my cats back home, I was the only one interested enough in them that I didn’t tend to have competition for their attention. They came to me because they knew they could get it from me. Mike noticed one day last week when Grey came up and meowed so I called to him as did Justin and apparently the look I had on my face was that like I wanted to kill him. I probably did but I was getting tired of having him around because he doesn’t do much and it’s hard to get some peace when he playing music and my usual route is¬†interrupted¬†by someone else.

To be honest the only Grey tends to do besides beg for food is sleep in the bed. He probably lays in my lap once a week but he needs to know he’s allowed in and does crave attention at times. It was funny this morning when I got up (I’m still getting up with Mike) and came down, Minnie didn’t even wait for me to get to the bottom of the steps before meowing for food. So I went into the kitchen to get her some food and I look out the window and see this shape. Grey is sitting outside the kitchen window looking in perfectly still. I didn’t have a key for the door so I started to go up and it when I hear him at the backdoor (he was fast!) so I let him in and he’s soaking wet. I had just put some dewormer on him yesterday too so I’m hoping it didn’t wash out. But he got dried and ate and now is sleeping peacefully on me. I’m home alone at the moment. The in-laws went to the doctor and Justin is out for the day. One of his little role-playing games today. So I’m getting some peace even if it’s only for a little bit. Wish I could have gotten it this past weekend with Mike. It was a bank holiday weekend and the last one before Christmas so instead of getting at least one day with jut me and Mike, we had either ¬†Justin, Mike’s parents or some people over. Granted the game night was nice but I did reach a point where I wanted everyone out because I was feeling a bit closed in. Anyway that’s was pretty much it. Rather boring really but I guess that’s better than nothing. I’ll leave you with a few more photos Mr. Grey.

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The End is in Sight!

So I’m taking a mini break from my dissertation writing to update a few things. I only got about a 1000 or so words to go before I meet my word count! I got two sections left to write which won’t be hard at all. It’s just getting my lazy butt to get cracking on it. I can’t believe I’ve come this far. I think I really did wonder if this day would ever come and now I’m kind of like…well what do I do now? I’m still job hunting. I got an email today saying I didn’t make it to the round of interviews for one today. That really bummed me out. I’ve gotten told by more than one person that I do have the skills needed for certain jobs even though I haven’t necessarily worked in those jobs before and I’m getting passed up. It really annoying when even certain retail jobs pass me up but then those are the ones I don’t hear from either so who knows.

There is one that I might have a chance at. I need to call them first but I’m kind of¬†hesitating for kind of dumb reasons. I want to finish my dissertation first. There really is nothing stopping from doing both but I haven’t been this stress free in a while. I still do get stressed but about little things like money and work but I’m not letting it get to me either. I want to get my dissertation done with and out of the way so I can start on my presentation which is pretty much written in itself and get a job while I’m working on that.

And you want to know something that’s really bugging me. I’m constantly¬†critiquing my writing. I keep thinking I need to say do not rather than don’t and not use first person because that’s how my dissertation is supposed to be done. In third person and whatever the term they use for writing words out rather than taking the short cut with the (‘) symbol. My brain can’t bring up what that term they used is but I think you catch my drift.

Grey is still here too. My mother in law hasn’t spoken with the woman across the road since he showed up Saturday. He’s currently sleeping next to me. I have no idea if they’ve spoken to this woman and what’s taken so long for an answer. We’re kind of in limbo with Grey at the moment. We don’t know if he’s staying with us or if he has to go again and it’s going to be so cruel to do this again since it’s been a few days and he’s getting used to being here now. But I can’t really be annoyed with the woman since we don’t know what’s going on. The other neighbor we have spoken to about Grey or well my mother in law has. She’s this sweet older lady that’s from…well I can’t remember I think somewhere from Eastern Europe but I can’t remember which. But she’s sick at the moment, she has some kind of cancer and she lives alone, so my mother in law being a former nurse and an all around good person checks on her all the time, I’d say daily cause it does seem that way. But she was talking to her about Grey coming back, apparently Grey used to belong to the old neighbor’s brother, I think he lived there for a time. But they got another cat, a black one who I swear I never saw outside but she did go out because she ended up having kittens and when that happened Grey was made to live outside for the most part. He only got fed in this one little room that was more like an enclosed porch. So I’m guessing he must be counting his lucky stars because he can come in and sleep here during the day and go out at night and there are other cats around as well. Plus he’s got me, the one person who can never deny him anything including my love. I think I made Mike jealous at times the way I would fret over him and baby him. He made a joke when Grey left the first time about if this means he has me back now. But he loves that cat too. I watched him do the exact same thing I do to him when he’s laying on the bed, bend over him and pet him and talk to him in such a voice that you only reserve for babies and animals. He looked up at me at one point and just said What? and of course we both knew I was looking at him cause he’s a sucker for that cat like me plus I found it quite cute.

Anyway what was I saying?

Oh yeah I am pretty sure Grey didn’t father those kittens cause is missing the boys, though I have no idea when those kittens came around but I’m thinking its part of the reason why they left. Anyway, as far as I know the brother isn’t around anymore and I don’t see why we can’t help take the burden off by taking him. I mean we’ve basically fed him for up to the¬†equivalent¬†of about a month and we’re not asking for money. We’re just asking either please take your cat because we can’t afford to keep doing this or let us keep him. I vote for the second one but that’s just me.

Anyway that’s really about it with everything that’s going on. Nothing exciting beyond Grey happened. Mike’s parents are going away in a day or two to visit his sister and it’s a bank holiday this weekend. Though it won’t be as relaxing and quiet as I would hope for. I don’t know if I mentioned this or not but one of Mike’s friends is staying with us temporary until he find a more permanent solution for housing and hasn’t been all it’s cracked up to be. But I might say more about that later. But anyway I guess it will be us three hanging out in Mike’s room or downstairs this weekend…oh joy!

Grey is Back

So just a real quick update. Grey was back bright and early this morning. He came in ran upstairs and meowed at the door then went down and got fed. I was actually asleep when he came in but I was only half asleep and heard his meow. Which woke me up. So I got up to use the toilet to have my mother in law see me and say to come down when I’m done she’s got a surprise for me. I wondered if it was him and if I was still dreaming. So I went down and there he is sitting in the kitchen and meows when he sees me and then¬†proceeds¬†to purr away when I pet him. He’s been out most of the day, he came back for a bit of dinner and then left again. We think he might not be sure if he’s welcome. To be honest we aren’t sure either. My mother in law spoke to the woman across the road to let her know the old neighbor’s cat is back and if she wants to come for him or if she wants to let him stay just say so but if she’s going to take him. Keep him in the house for two weeks so he can get used to the place. I don’t need my heart broken again! So will keep everyone updated to let him know if Grey is only here for a visit and to let me know he still loves me or if he’s here for good.