In Loving Memory…

So its been a few weeks since I felt I could get on here and share this. But at the beginning of the month my beautiful cat Indy passed away. My mom immediately emailed me to let me know what happened and I think they were baffled as she was one minute sleeping and then the next minute gone. I know she was having issues with blood in her urine and from what the vet told me when it first happened was crystallisation in her kidneys which told me either her kidneys were shutting down slowly or there was some kind of issue like cancer or kidney disease that we did not know. I knew it was coming but I don’t think I expected it so soon after I left and for it to be abrupt. I thought maybe she’d go to the vet and they’d announce she had something that required her to be put to sleep as she was too old to fight it. And since I wasn’t there I have no idea if she had any symptoms like Missy did when she went through Kidney Disease. All I know is I hope she wasn’t in pain and she was as happy as she could be sleeping in a bed. I remember the day I left too. I was crying because I knew it was going to be the last time I saw her and I felt like I was abandoning her. I was happy to be able to see my husband but I missed her so much. I think I even cried a few days after showing up too and struggled to sleep not just because of the time change but because I didn’t have her snuggled up with me as I had every night for years. I knew she missed me and there was nothing I could do to make her feel better. But at least I had my mom taking good care of her. And now that I don’t have to worry about her and how she’s doing because I know she’s doing good and she’s in a better place with my dogs and cats I lost before. I also don’t feel guilty about the love I have for Grey because he’s been a huge comfort and I never forgot about her. My love for cats and the ones I’ve own (or been owned by) has never been short or not been enough for all of them. It’s hard to put into words so I hope I’m not being confusing. Anyway it has been hard for me to type this but I’m glad I did too as I wanted to say more about her and my memory of her. She was a beautiful sweet cat that wanted nothing more than to be the centre of your attention, I think it was a unique trait in her as I don’t think I ever had a cat be so happy from the moment I found her and fed her to this last year when I would come home from work and she would come running to greet me. I actually had to take about 20 minutes to let her lay in my lap and pet her until she was satisfied and I could do something else to unwind from my day.

And to tell you something else I’ve found rather strange. My cat Grey who loves to come into our room and lay on the bed with or without us, has twice this week laid in my lap while in bed. It’s something he’s not really done before as he usually either sleeps at the end of the bed or right next to me. Beyond him laying in my lap on the couch I usually have to pull him and lay him in my lap or on my stomach in order him to lay there but he’s come there of his own accord. It’s like he knew that lap belonged to someone else and he wasn’t going to take it until he knew it was okay. Its like laying on a lap in bed is a privileged position that only a few get to do. Anyway I shall leave this with a photos of my Indy River during happy times.

Found July 4th 1998-Passed March 4th 2015

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Remembering a Friend

So I found out some pretty horrible news this morning. I woke up and was checking my phone before I even got out of bed, just laying there flipping through the Facebook posts. Then I see one from one of my closest friends about a mutual friend and former classmate has passed away. As soon as I saw that I bolted up in bed. I kept thinking, is this real, is this some cruel joke? I go to her page and find her cousin has posted about her passing it being related to cancer. Still I think, this can’t be real! Cancer? I go to her mom and aunt’s page as well and see a few other friends saying the same thing. She had liver cancer, she only found out last week. I don’t get it. But then I never get it when someone gets cancer. Maybe I’m not meant to cause there really is no rhyme or reason to it as far as who it strikes and why. Anyway I wanted to get on here and share my thoughts about why this bothers me so much.

I met Becky my freshmen year of high school, I guess it was just the group we all hung out with. She was a year above me and was pretty nice. I had some crappy stuff happen at the end of my freshmen year with someone who was meant to be my friend and got all these people to dislike me over something silly in the end. She was one of those people who stood by me and I feel like we hardly knew each other at that point so it meant a lot. I remember rescuing a black kitten and her adopting it, I remember her calling me up once out of the blue like a year or two after high school, she needed a ride to work and I gladly gave it to her though we didn’t start talking up again.  I remember playing some dumb joke on another person who I wasn’t really friends with at the time, this was definitely back in high school, we went to the mall and I was getting annoyed with that person so we snuck out of the store and went around the mall without them and then found them later. These same two people after high school I hung out with. I remember hearing about Becky getting pregnant and then finding out something happened but she was pregnant again like a year after that. We met up with her and caught up on things and I was happy for her to be able to have someone she loved and be having a child. I hung out with her a bit after that. I went to her wedding reception and caught her bouquet. I later didn’t get to see her as much due to other friendships falling by the wayside and they were people I usually saw her with. And I remember being angry at the time because these two friendships while quite different were similar in their ending, I did have other people to talk to but she knew these people and I wanted to warn her about one of them. It was dumb really in the end, I just wanted to talk badly about that person I guess. I remember wanting to warn everyone about her and then realising that people get to make their own decisions about others and just cause they stay friends doesn’t mean they don’t like me. But I remember telling Becky about this girl and Becky then told her about what I said. I found out because then this girl decided to let me know and remind me how cruel she could be and why I ended the friendship. I guess I felt betrayed even though I was in the wrong for stooping to such a level. But I know it did make it hard for me to trust her. We would talk online occasionally after that but our friendship changed. It became more of a Facebook kind of friendship, an I used to go to school with that girl kind of friendship. Not the way I should have left things either. I did miss her as I’ve missed other friends over the years. I can at least say I know better than to leave things like that now. I’ve had other friends I’ve reconciled with after spats and others that I’ve just apologised to but not continued to talk due to either one or both of us just not choosing to continue the friendship. I think that’s probably a big thing in life, not letting the little things keep you apart from those that you were once close with. I have regrets with Becky and while I can’t make it up to her in person, I can at least try to do better with others. I feel so sorry for her family for losing her so young in life. I wonder how her daughter will do, I honestly can’t even remember how old she is now its been so long. All I know is, she’s not suffering anymore and she’s with her son now.

Since it’s an ongoing thing with me anyway, I know I can work on my anger and my negative feelings I get towards others. There’s no point in life in not letting things go over time because it can eat you up inside and I don’t want to keep thinking, if I only I had done this or stopped doing this then we would still be talking. There really is meaning behind the word forgive. So any time I harbor ill feelings towards another, I need to remember where those feelings will get me and that is no where.

So Becky I just wanted to say that I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better friend to you. And I’m sorry you are no longer with us but I am at least happy in the belief that you are in a better place and that you know how I feel.

I am back!

Its been more than a year (two maybe?) since I wrote a post. I am on here now and back for good!

Since I last wrote on here a lot of things happened. My boyfriend from when I was a student at Leeds Met (now Leeds Beckett), is now my husband. We married in October 2013. What we did not expect was the next year to be the hardest for both of us. His father passed away in December 2013 just weeks after we had our second wedding reception in England. Our plans for to apply for the Spouse Visa in early 2014 got Delayed until August. But I am now living in England hopefully for several years to come or at the very least, for the next 2 1/2 years. I’ve only been here a week but there is so much to do!

I need to get my banking changed around since it was done in my maiden name back when I was a student. I’m trying to work on my NI number, I have one but also having to change my name with that. I did an email forum but now I need to call them or visit them in person to verify who I am. Probably because we got married in the states so they don’t have proof of my marriage. I also need to work on my resume or my CV as they call it here and get that online and start looking at jobs (of course that can’t happen until my Ni No is fixed). And before the month is out I need to register with a GP so I can get back on medication that I had been taking over the counter back in the states due to being uninsured.

So while I’ve been away I was back in St. Louis, where I’m from and was working two different jobs mainly. I worked in a university bookstore for over a year as a cashier. I honestly hated the job, I liked most of the people I worked with and I got along with just about everyone but I was glad to leave. Retail is rather unfulfilling even if it’s in something like a bookstore. I also worked at a community college library, in fact it was right by the town of Ferguson (or was in Ferguson, that area is kind of a fine line by the highway) that has on the news worldwide due to coverage of the death of Michael Brown and the riots and protests that have happened since then. Its amazing what the media gets wrong about things and how much they keep the stereotypes going. While its sad and horrible what has happened in the area with the way the police have handle some things and the businesses that have been suffering if not destroyed. I just wish the media would focus on what is really important. But alas, you can’t change something like that overnight. Anyhow that’s really it right now. I haven’t gone out and done much due to a lack of funds and I’ve mostly just been trying to settle myself. But I shall be back soon with another entry!

New Blog

Okay I created a new blog. I couldn’t stay away for long. I just have urges now to write on here and I must give to them.

So if you want to follow me on my other blog, it’s littlemissprissblog.wordpress.com

I’m working on it at the moment so it’s not quite finished. I should have a new blog update on there this week.

Welcome Home?

So I’m home now. I got home safe. Though it doesn’t really feel like home anymore.

I have to say it has been so weird being back. I came home and the smell in the house was unfamiliar and not that pleasant. It was probably a mixture of stale cigarette smoke and the smell of animals. My room for the most part didn’t look that different. Just had a load of stuff my mom put in there but hadn’t gotten around to putting away. I filled two bags yesterday of stuff I want to get rid of. One was trash the other was clothes for donation. As soon as today is over with I’ll be working on the desk filled with my mom’s stuff so I have spot to put things. Do really wish I had cable in my room again. The converter box my parents had been disconnected since I wasn’t here and they got me something to watch basic cable with but the damn thing turned off on its own last night to save energy and I haven’t been able to get it on again. I got two litter boxes in my room now. I don’t think I need two in here but what can ya do?

My flight home was hell. I was stuck between two people. One was a nice English woman who I didn’t speak to much but was kind. The other was some American guy that didn’t say two words to me and kept writing stuff down and making charts and drawings and wouldn’t stop moving around! I couldn’t watch the inflight movie which I had a feeling would happen but I couldn’t really pull out my laptop to watch one of the two films I got. I did watch them when I got home but I read a book, did some word searches and listen to music most of the time on the flight.

As far as me crying I did okay until I got on the plane from Chicago to St. Louis. I was having an issue with getting to my seat. I thought I was looking at the right one but I’m beginning to wonder if I was one row off. Anyway I ended up being the last one seated and had a flight attendant get a bit snippy with my row since they were letting me in. I felt it was unnecessary. That set me off with missing Mike. Then I when I saw my mom I was set off again. Yesterday I did okay for the most part but that would be cause I kept myself busy. But today I have feeling it’s going to be hard. I’d much rather just stay home and hid under the covers but we’re going to my aunts. I almost want to drive myself so I can go home when I want to but it’s been over a year since I drove.

I’m finding that I don’t really know what to do with myself. Beyond cleaning my room there’s not much to do. I’ve watched a few films, cleaned parts of the house while my parents were at work. Looked at wedding stuff online and for the venue and did do a little job searching. I don’t really know where to start with the job searching, I’m looking at retail stuff but also library work but I don’t want to do too much searching before I go see my former boss that has offered to help look at my resume.

I supposed to hang out with a friend and one of my bridesmaids on Sunday. I don’t know what to do. It’s really hard to do anything when you have no money. I do about 25 dollars but that’s it. And I’d rather use it on something I need. Plus I got stuff I need to get and I wonder if I should wait for that.

Anyway I might do some cleaning before we go.

Oh yeah my cat Indy (who I swear not only lost weight but shrunk!) has been so happy to have me back. She looked shocked when I came home but has been staying with me most of the time. Twice I’ve woken up at 4am with her sleeping right on top of my bladder, which has also make my need to pee more needed. My jet lag is kind of eh. Tuesday I took a nap when I got home and then went to bed after like 10 but I was awake at 4am, got up to go to the bathroom and wasn’t able to go back to sleep. Last night I went to bed at 9:30 and then stayed in bed after I woke up. I don’t remember if I fell back to sleep but I was up at 7. I have been taking it easy.

Anyway this might be my last post on here. I need to get sorted and then I think about the other blog. Hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving.

Farewell England!

So my last day in England.

I got my dissertation on Saturday. Got to see my marks and comments. Of course got a little annoyed with some of it. One thing I wasn’t surprised with was some of the comments were repeats. I guess I just didn’t get what he wanted me to do. Either way it’s over with.

I’ve packed pretty much everything I can. There are a few things I have to leave behind. Hopefully some of it can fit in Mike’s bags when he comes otherwise it will just stay here or can be shipped to me if I really miss it.

I’ve not been as emotional or weepy as I thought I would be. But it’s a bit different this time. I know I’m going to see him at Christmas and even though it is quite a bit away I’ll see him in the Fall when we get married. The first two times when I saw him first and then he came to see me I started crying a few days before the end of the trip because I wanted more time with him. I remember after I dropped him off at the airport the first time I had to run to the bathroom so I could cry. I’m one of those people who hates to let others see me cry especially complete strangers so I prefer to weep in private. It was kind of funny cause I got to a point where I thought I was okay enough to leave the stall and a song came on and it was so freaking sad that it got me started all over again. Finally I thought I need to go home at least I can lock myself up in my room and cry! My mom didn’t understand why I was so upset cause I was going to see him again but it was the fact I hate being separate from him! Even when I was in Leeds I thought I preferred to be at his. Granted his house had a lot of benefits that my student studio didn’t have including silence at night!

I had a nice weekend. Friday we watched a few films together, Saturday we spent some quality time together before he had to go to a brass band concert and then we had people over as a last time game night. I’ve really been glad to get to know and become friends with some of Mike’s friends. I’ll be glad to see them again at the wedding. I even got a card today from one of his friends and his wife. Mike’s godmother gave me an early Christmas present of American money when I returned her books she lent me. Sunday we went to Bronte Country and I got see the house they lived in that was turned into a museum. I wish I could have taken photos but there was no photography or video allowed. I really enjoyed it and it made me want to read the books I have and the ones I don’t have yet. I think my favorite was Jane Eyre. I remember when we were in the car and saw the moors I kept thinking about Jane traveling through them when she left Mr. Rochester before coming to her cousins’ place.

Then there was Anne Bronte’s Agnes Grey when she was in Scarborough. I got to see what she saw going down the large hill to the beach (granted with a ton of arcades that weren’t Victorian). That’s one of the biggest things I’ve loved about these novels I can visual what they saw when they were writing the manuscripts.

Anyway I’m getting distracted. I really enjoyed it there obviously lol We looked around some shops. I finally got to try a macaron (the french kind not the coconut kind) it was a mini one. It was vanilla with marzipan in the middle. Mike had a chocolate one. I’m definitely going to have to start making them. We went to dinner at a restaurant I quite like and have been wanting to go to but it seems that they have gone down in the service and quality. Almost every time we’ve gone they’ve been out of food. It’s kind of surprising really if they’re that popular. But I enjoyed my lamb shank pie and churros sundae. I also had my very last glitterberry J20, it’s only around during the holidays and it tastes like cherry jolly ranchers.

Today I got a visit from the neighbor across the road. She was giving me a send off and we were talking about marriage and family. I can’t wait to see her again next year.

I’m going to miss Grey like crazy though. I picked him up earlier and thought I need to snuggle him a lot today and I nearly let loose the waterworks. I’ve got some quality time in with Mogs and Minnie as well. I wonder if Minnie will act weird now that I won’t be there. Mogs won’t be as bothered I’m sure but I wonder she’ll be afraid of me again the next time I’m around. I at least got to give her belly a good rub and a nice chin scratch.

I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get home. I did warn my mom I might be a bit tired and crabby. I’ll be glad to see Indy again. Things should be okay, I’ll just have to get used to everything again.

And before I know it Christmas will be here and I’ll have my most wanted present, Mike. 🙂

I might write another entry or two once I’m home again. But this is the end really. I’ve really enjoyed writing this blog and been happy to get more followers. I don’t think I ever expected to get so many people liking it and coming back for more. Hopefully they will like whatever I come up with next. 🙂

It’s been a great year.

So Much Stuff, So Few Bags!

So I’m going through stuff that I want to pack and I’m realizing I just don’t have the room.

I only have two bags and two carry on and it’s just not enough to hold everything. I don’t think I realized how much I had here. Some of it is stuff I asked my mom to send me and I’m beginning to regret it since I don’t have the room. I got tons of shoes that I haven’t worn but asked to be sent and three pairs are converse. I love converse shoes. My first pair was some high top flames that I had been coveting. I stupidly got rid of them a few years ago cause I got unwanted attention from wearing them at church a few times. I was only a teenager but was easily influenced. I think the last time I wore them was to my prom (which I still love that I did) and then got rid of them. They didn’t really go with anything anyway but I loved them still. I got a grey, purple and green pair at the moment. I used to wear them all the time back in St. Louis but then I wasn’t using my feet as my main point of transportation. They are not walking shoes at least the canvas Chuck Taylors aren’t. But I’ve also acquired two new pairs that I can’t live without. They are nice and I can just slip them on and wear them anywhere, dress up or down or just to put out the trash. So I’m beginning to wonder if I should get rid of my chucks. I hate the idea of doing so cause I once wanted to own a pair in every color. It might be one of the many things I asked to be sent back to me or a few things I ask Mike to bring with him at Christmas.

Then there’s a few other things. I got coffee mugs, figures, an antique musical jewelry box, a blanket that was my grandmother’s and I’ve had since she passed away 13 years ago but is falling apart terribly.  I also got a ton of books I’ve acquired as well. I’ve tried hard not to buy books when I’ve been here but when I see a classic that’s on my list of books to read I end up buying it. I think I got the entire collection of Sherlock Holmes books for about £1.50. I have yet to read those because my list has become so long.

I think some of the mugs I’m just keeping here until I either come back for them or ask for them to be sent. My jewelry box I won’t be sure about until I go back home. I do have one more back to pack and I might find I have room for things like some photos or a few books. The shoes are just material things, I’m a lot different now than I used to be and might find I don’t miss them.

But my grandma’s blanket is another thing. I don’t know what to do. It is falling apart so I can’t really use it and I don’t think it’s even repairable. I stopped using it last year around this time because I realized I couldn’t keep washing it without it shedding more and more of its material. I’ve also gotten used to not having a small blanket handy when I get cold though it might be different when I go home. I wouldn’t mind a new one. It’s really hard to say at the moment. I do still have a week before I leave.

I booked my ticket and got my first class train ticket (I’m not dragging four things of luggage with me to fight for a seat in standard.) It really overwhelmed earlier just finding things I can pack now. Luckily I was home alone and could have a good cry. I haven’t really had a chance to cry. Last night and Friday while I was in bed I did well up but I couldn’t really let it out for fear of waking Mike. Leaving him or watching him go has been the hardest thing for me to deal with. I just want to stay with him and that be it. But we got about a year a part to deal with before the wedding and who knows how longer after we’re married. We need to meet certain requirements as far as immigration goes either way.

Anyway don’t mind me as I question what to do. I know things will get better I just need to allow myself to be upset. I don’t want to build it up. I also don’t think it’s truly hit me yet. At least I get Mike for Christmas 🙂

Meet Me in St. Louis

My time here has an expiry date.

My flight out of England has been booked. And I got mixed feelings.

I’m coming home on the 20th and will be home just days in time of Thanksgiving celebrations. I’ll be seeing friends and family I haven’t seen in person in over a year and I’m pretty sure my cat will be jumping for joy.

But then I’m leaving behind the life I’ve gotten used to here, my new cat Grey who won’t know where I’ve gone and Mike my fiancé. Thankfully I’ll be seeing Mike at Christmas. And I know I’m coming back here. I just hate that a lot of things are coming to an end.

Like this blog for instance. This blog was only meant to be for my year here but I’m finding I quite enjoy it. I like putting stuff on here and sharing it. I find that little things like my photos and when I talk about my cats get a lot of notice. Photos I wasn’t that surprised by but the cats yes! lol

I am planning on having a different blog after this. I already got my wedding one up. I don’t know what to make the focus of my next one to be. I don’t mind it being about me and having it as a general blog. But then there’s the design and layout and the name of the blog and how often I want to update it.

There is one thing I want to crab about though. STA Travel. I have only used it once before this. It wasn’t for student prices I don’t think. Maybe it was but I first used it to get a flight home to St. Louis after going to Minnesota for week with a friend. She was staying cause it was her mom’s house and I had to come back to go to work. I had to call them because I didn’t know until a few days before I left that I deleted my flight ticket from my email. They claimed I needed a student card to prove I was a student because if I didn’t they ask for proof and I didn’t have any. I got the stupid card and it was never asked for and I never used it for the whole year I had it.

So back to today when I was trying to buy my ticket at a student price. I went all the way through until I got to a point where it was asking me for an ISIC card. I didn’t have one and I wasn’t about to pay for one to prove I was still a student. So I had to go back and redo everything and tweak things as far as not going one way (if you don’t know already, if you get a one way flight ticket, it will cost you more than getting round trip ticket) even though I’m not coming back to England for a year. So it was more expensive than the student price but it was less expensive than the other sites I was looking at. I guess I should start going through stuff and seeing what to keep here and what to take with me. I think I’m going to have to pay for a second bag but it is actually a lot cheaper than I thought. Just got to make sure it is under the weight limit.

Don’t think I will ever get anything through STA Travel again though. It really is a scam to demand a card from someone who has student ID as well as a passport that says I’m here on student visa. Oh well it’s all done now. Wish me luck! I’m not a very calm traveller when it comes to planes. I don’t think it’s the plane ride but the trying to get to the area in time and making the next flight. The biggest problem I might have in the flight is motion sickness and I’m out of my motion sickness pills. I’m sure I can get some though. See you soon St. Louis!

Mix in the Good with the Bad

Things have been up and down lately.

I was hoping to post some photos I took of Fountains Abbey on Sunday but I haven’t edited them yet so it might be a bit before I do. But I got a lot on my mind that I just need to let out. On the job front I really thought I had a possible job but it’s starting to look like my last chance is going out the window because I never had a need for a national insurance number until now. It will be crunch time but hopefully I can get all the information they need as well as pass the tests to get a temporary job so I can actually buy my own plane ticket home as well as have a bit left over. But it’s starting to look like not only will I be going home sooner and poorer but not have any real kind of job.

Beyond that I did have some good personal news. We got the venue for the UK reception booked and we’re going to do our Save the Dates this weekend. We meant to start working on a budget but we were pretty busy last weekend and not really in the house. So sometime this week or over the weekend we will. The reception actually looks like a nice place, we like the feel of it and it looks nice.

But then last night I got some news that really threw me off. It was like getting sucker punched and then hit again for a knock out. One of my friends from back home who I’ve known for years and years had some bad news for me. A mutual friend who shall remain nameless has been accused of murder. It’s someone who has had a bit of a troubled past but one I didn’t know much about. I don’t know the motive or if there was one or if it was true. All I know was a guy that seemed genuinely nice and I gave a ride home a few times (he didn’t drive) is now in jail for murder. Based on some their past issues, if it’s true I don’t think they should go to jail but a psychiatric hospital. Now I’m not normally one who would generally be okay with this but I know this person is troubled and based on what he may have done, it’s got to be screwing with his head. My friend that told me this is going to see what he can do and I guess possibly talk to him. It’s just completely mind boggling.

Then he gave me some news of his own that just breaks my heart for him. He’s getting divorced and from the sound of it he will remain friends with the ex and try to see the kids as much as possible. But he’s having to move on from his current situation to another. I don’t know the circumstances of what happened but it makes me sad to see that this is happening to him. I am of course biased in the situation because he is my friend and I know he’s got to be hurt. But I know I can’t judge either since I wasn’t in the situation. It was honestly one of those situations where I thought it would work because I know how much of a decent guy he is. But even nice people get divorced. I’m not one that generally believes in ending a marriage unless there is abuse involved. I’m also probably one of many that wants to just grab hold and slap across the face one of many celebrities that rush into things and two seconds later things are over.

My fiance and I have talked before about if things ever ended for us then that’s it we would never get married again. Because we both don’t want that and in many ways we are insecure about the other based on past experiences. He’s had more than one girlfriend get bored with him. I think he still expects it with me sometimes but then he sees how I get when we talk about being separated from each other with the long distance (just the thought of it happening sooner today cause me to break down in tears) and we see how much we get along. We can be stupidly immature with each and laugh about it and there is no one else we have ever been able to do that with. I’m not one that generally believes in fate and destiny and such. I’m more of a “you choose your own destiny” kind of person and I wouldn’t have it any other way with him. I can still majorly crush on celebrities like Gerard Butler or Michael Fassbender and it doesn’t bother him and he can do likewise.

Anyhow I’m getting past the point I was wanting to make about my friend. He’ll find someone, that right person that is for him. He’s still young and he’s already got plans for his new situation so he’s a lot better off then someone with no plan. His situation as well as the other thing that happen makes it hard for me to be happy about plans with Mike. Because in my ideal world everything is happy and great and hunky dory. But in the real world it doesn’t happen that way.

So I might have go home soon. I am looking forward to it in a lot of ways but I’m also going to miss being around Mike so much. At least we’ll get Christmas together. That’s a positive way to look at it.

What I’ll Miss: A Year Later

 

I’ve googled myself today. I’ve done it before but it’s been awhile but I’ve been curious to see what I find when I look my name up, I remember back when I started this blog as an intention for my photography work and I found I couldn’t get a domain in my name because someone else had it. I didn’t see the website anymore though for the person that shared my name but did watercolors. It doesn’t really matter anymore but I was pleasantly surprised to find this blog was on the second and third page.

The first blog entry that showed up was from last August when I was trying to stay positive about my delay to the UK so I shared some photos of a festival that happens yearly back home. The second blog entry was about what I would miss and wouldn’t miss from back home. And it’s interesting to see that a year later some of those things are different or didn’t have as big an impact as I thought it would.

So I’m just going to share the original item on the list and then say how I feel now.

1.I will definitely miss my friends and family and being able to call them up and hang out.

I do miss that, I do find that I crave contact with people sometimes and other times I am so shell-shocked from being in town that it puts my social anxiety into overdrive. I know I am looking forward to seeing some people again but I’ve gotten used to it.

2. I will not miss the weather especially the damn humidity. I barely got any sleep last night cause it was too warm even with a fan and no covers.

Oh how I haven’t missed that. It’s actually been between cold and mild here the entire time, though their past winter wasn’t normal it has gotten cold sooner this fall/winter. Next summer is going to suck.

3. I’ll miss my walks with my friend and former boss Emily, we talk and bitch and sometimes go out to eat together.

I do miss those walks but I can definitely say that I think my walking speed has increased since being over here cause if you want to get somewhere you have to pick your feet up and these damn hills go by faster the quicker I go.

4. God I’ll miss the St. Louis food! Ted Drewes, toasted ravioli and gooey butter cake. Among others…

Yes yes and yes this is still true. I may be able to get a root beer fix and marshmallow fluff fix but it’s going to be a struggle not to stuff my mouth with any of this when I get home. First thing I’m probably going to do is order some Imos.

5. I’ll miss having a full length fridge, seriously they’re small there.

When I was in Leeds it wasn’t that bad and Mike’s parents have a fridge freezer in the cellar as well as a large freezer so it’s not too bad though I do miss the connivence of having the freezer and microwave in the kitchen. I have to go down there if I want something and sometimes I can’t be bothered.

6. I won’t miss the stress that work has brought me or certain individuals that create the negative environment.

I remember how stressed out I was last year at this point. My boss was no longer there and all the people I really got along with in my department were slowly going elsewhere or working completely different hours to me. And the one person who made my work life hell was doing what he could to make it hard on me. I remembering for months having dreams about being back at work and having to see him again. I’ve since been able to deal with the situation in a positive manner and move on with my life. Just wish I could find another job.

7. I will miss some people from work. They’re the ones that still keep me sane.

I do miss a few old co-workers. I’ll likely be visiting them when I go home.

8. I’ll miss my room. I’ve made it mine for the last 25 years. I guess I’ll allow the cats to own it.

I do miss it but Mike’s room has been a nice substitute.

9. I’ll miss my kitties, especially poor Missy, who just got diagnosed with kidney disease.

Missy, the poor baby, passed away before I left home. But she was old and she is doing better now. I do miss Indy and I bet she’ll be happy when I come home cause she changed when I left. But I got three more cats I love and will miss. Mogs, Minnie and Grey. 🙂

10. I think I’ll miss my car, I’ll miss being able to just drive anywhere, I won’t miss the damn money it costs me to fix it all the time and for gas.

I kind of have missed my car but not as much as I would have thought. I’m quite used to walking, taking the bus or train and riding with Mike’s parents when they drive.

11. I’ll miss having unlimited access to books, cds, movies, etc for no cost at all. God I’ve read so much in the last four years it’s crazy.

I did at first but I found that I didn’t have as much time for reading books and there were plenty of options with films. My tv shows I watch are mostly shown over here and I’ve found substitutes for find them or new shows while being over here. I can’t say there are many that I’ve been oh I have to watch that.

12. Irish Car Bombs, it’s kind of a tradition for me to have them on my birthday though this year I think I’m skipping it but I think if I ask for that over there I’d get my ass kicked. It’d be like asking for crashing twin towers here.

I don’t know what I was thinking. I haven’t thought about that drink at all while here. I’ve discovered other things to try. But yeah I didn’t miss those.

13. Hmmm some more things I won’t miss…feeling guilty cause I haven’t help with this or that lol Sorry mom but it’s true.

Why did I put this? lol Can’t say I’ve been made to feel guilty for some things but it has been nice to be somewhat independent as much as one can be in someone else’s house.

14. I won’t miss my neighbor, his crappy music or his mean dogs!

I have to say I think the people living in my student accommodation gave him a run for his money. But yeah I haven’t missed his crazy antics at all.

15. I won’t miss the chaos that happens after my nephews have been over. Love em but it’s like a tornado hit the playroom lol

Hasn’t bothered me lol

16. I won’t miss brown recluses! Haven’t seen one yet this summer but I’m not gonna hold my breath, but I will have a shoe ready >)

There are currently 4 spiders living in the kitchen and I haven’t been bothered by them. Why? Because they aren’t poisonous. Sadly when I go home I’d likely be killing anything that the size or color of a brown recluse.

17. I’ll miss my movie channels, I love watching movies whenever I feel like. I’m hoping I can get the rest of True Blood online since I’m moving in the middle of the 4th Season.

I did managed to watch the rest of the 4th season since I was still at home. And I’ve seen the 5th season. I’m quite content.

18. I’ll probably miss my blanky lol.  I’ve had this one probably since I was a baby but it’s so torn up I’m probably gonna trash it when I leave. It was good for a makeshift pillow and as a kid a cape for my kitties.

My blanky was put to good use. It accompanied Missy when she was buried. I couldn’t find her collar but I figured since she was used as the cape holder when I was a kid and both I had from childhood and I thought it was a nice thought.

19. I’ll miss the malls, they have shops there but not nearly as much as we have especially when it comes clothes for me. Though there might be some in Leeds. I’ll just have to find out.

Nope haven’t missed them. Plenty of shopping around here and I’ve saved money! Do wish it was easier to find my way around the grocery stores here than back home.

So that’s pretty much it. I found at first I did miss the familiarity of being at home because there are so many little things that are different that it can add up. But there are good and bad things here as there are back in St. Louis. I know when I go home I’m going to be talking about how much I miss my fiancé, the cats, some ciders and a few tv shows. Oh and how can I forget the NHS! Not having to worry about any bills from the doctor and finding alternatives to my acid reflux meds. I am kind of surprised at my feeling towards Halloween now. It’s not a big deal here and I haven’t missed all the Halloweeny stuff but that could be because it marketed towards kids here. I do miss the art show I used to go to and the movies but I don’t think I’ll worry about costumes anymore.