When Lockdown Gets You Down…

This third lockdown…it’s not been easy!

I know I’m not the only one in the UK or Europe for that matter that is struggling. Mental Health has been a serious struggle to keep on an even keel. And for myself personally I have a lot that can get me down. But I try my best to focus on the positives and what’s in my control.

I thought I’d write this post for anyone that’s struggling right now whether its related to Covid or you’re just having a hard time in general. I’ll tell you what helps me as it might be something that will help you too.

1. Meditate

There are so many apps out there now that help assist with meditating. I used to be someone who thought you had to sit crossed legged and empty your mind of everything in order to meditate but its a lot more simple than that. You don’t have to do it for hours on end either. I usually do it for 10 minutes, if I don’t have a lot of time 3-5 minutes will do. I use Headspace, have done for years but I also know there’s an app called Calm and there’s even free videos on YouTube that you can use to help guide you in meditation. I try to meditate every day. Some days are harder to remember than others and that’s okay. As long as you work on a habit of learning to meditate. Take a few minutes either in the morning, at night or during a commute (if you’re not driving!) or during lunch. If you have less structure throughout the day then pair it with something you do every day, like if you have a warm drink first thing, meditate after you’ve finished your drink. Believe it or not it can really help improve things on mental side. In 2015 when I first started getting help for my anxiety, I started to use meditation. It gradually improved my mood, and I would be less irritable and anxious. If I’d forget for a few days to meditate I could really tell as I’d be moodier and have trouble with negative thoughts.

2. Journal writing

This is something I started doing when I sought out help for my anxiety and stress. The counsellor told me to keep an anxiety journal to write in everyday and write out everything that was bothering me. It helped me keep track of what was going on in my life and what my worries were. But I also felt better writing out my troubles. I’d sometimes come up with various solutions to my problems and helped me to understand what I was going through. I did it do it every day for a long time but when I noticed I was less anxious and not having as many troubles I started only keeping a journal when I was having a hard time.

3. Have a trusted group of friends/family you can confide in.

Having emotional and mental support is so important especially since the pandemic started. We’re so much more isolated now and we can’t physically interact with as many people as we did before. So, having someone you can chat to online or by phone is really important. It can also be good for that other person if you’re a good listener. If you can’t chat with anyone, try to look for some kind of support group. There’s plenty out there online that can be good for you and the particular problems you might be going through. I do this sometimes especially as I am more isolated now than before the pandemic.

4. Exercise

I used to think this was a bit strange, but it really does work! Just going out for a walk or doing an energetic video inside really gets the blood pumping but it also can take your mind off things and boost serotonin. I try to go for a walk most days and if I stay in, I’ll do yoga or aerobic exercises. I especially like the ones that you can dance in as its a lot of fun. Even if the walk is only around the block, it can do wonders if you just pay attention to the sun shining and nature just doing its thing.

5. Counselling

Talking to a professional when you are truly struggling to cope is a good thing. I know financially its not always possible. I’m lucky I live somewhere that makes it more accessible. However, there are other ways to get help if paying out of pocket is an issue. If you work for an organisation that take mental health seriously, speak to a mental health rep or a manager to see how they can connect you. Go to a charity that may help get you free or discounted therapy. In the UK there’s several of them like Mind UK or Anxiety UK (I’ve previously used them). If you work in a certain sector, there’s charities out there they offer advice as well that’s not just about mental health.

6. Don’t be afraid to ask or reach out for help.

The worst thing you can do is just bottle it up and ignore your problems. I know as I did it for years. I thought anxiety needed to be ignored because it was bad. It only got worst though. I also know the less I spoke up the more likely I was to either internalize the pain and hurt or I’d have an outburst feel worst for taking it out on someone else. I first sought out help in 2015 because I ended up bursting into tears at work for not meeting a quota for bookings. I was being so hard on myself and felt like a failure. It wasn’t the best job for me and didn’t suit me at all but luckily, I sought out help with support from work. In 2017 I was struggling again; this time depression was having a heavy hit on me. I was so unhappy with my current situation and struggling to communicate what was going on with me. When I started having thoughts of self-harm and suicide, I knew I needed to seek out help. So once again I told my family and work what was going on with me and went to the doctor. For years I wouldn’t take medication because of the stigma of it. But I’d reached a point where I was willing to give anything a try. I’m still on medication for depression and anxiety. I can honestly say that it helps me to feel like a normal person. It’s taken time to understand myself and why my mind works the way it does. But I’ve learned I can’t keep it all to myself especially now.

I’m an open person when it comes to my mental health struggles because it does help others to know they’re not alone. There’s also one thing I think is important to say, there is nothing wrong with having mental health issues whether it be anxiety, stress, depression, or something else. Its just one part of yourself and only you can decide how big of a part it is in your life. My name is Lisa, I have anxiety and depression. But I also am a very neat and organised person. I like to go for long walks, read books and obsess over cats and enjoy baking and find ways to be creative. I love my friends and family with all my heart and would do just about anything for them. I hate being bored and feel like I’m on a lifelong mission to keep myself entertained.

See, what I did there? There is so much more to me than just the mental health issues.

All these things I’ve mentioned will help you cope, but it won’t cure it. As much as it sucks to have these issues, its best to understand why you do and what works for you to live your day-to-day life as normal as possible. Accepting yourself for who you are isn’t easy but its possible to do it. You will have good days and bad days, just take it a day at a time or even a moment at a time.

Also don’t let anyone make you feel less of a person for having mental health issues. That kind of toxic behaviour needs to be kicked out the door.

Hope this has helped anyone who has been struggling lately. I know this third lockdown has made it pretty hard lately, but I try to follow my own advice and work on what I can control in this situation to get through.

Until next time…

Why I Run

I thought I’d write a post on why I started running. A few years ago, I thought I’d give running a try after talking it out with a therapist as far as ways to get my exercise in and to help elevate my mood. I found it difficult to really know how to start and when to give myself breaks. I’d run home after work (in my work clothes with a backpack on) as it was downhill for a good way and I was excited to get home to my kitten Marcey. I couldn’t tell you why I stopped. I think I hurt myself in some way and needed to recover and then never got back into it. For the last year I’ve been on a journey to better myself. One of those ways is my health. I decided I’d eventually give running a try again, but I wanted to get my fitness up before I did it. I downloaded Couch to 5K app as well as Noom. Noom I’ve been using for about a year now. Noom has been great to get my life back on track and create a healthy relationship with food and my body. I found with the right exercise that I enjoy being active. I’d create little goals to complete each week whether it be to eat more of certain foods, not have loads of sweets. Or it’d go to exercise in some way, increase my step count and try to do 10,000 steps so many days a week. So far, I can manage about 3 days a week but as long as I exercise 5 days a week it doesn’t matter. I also give myself mental breaks and allow myself to relax and take days off from exercise and pushing myself to be healthy. If I slip up, I just get right back to it the next day. Over the summer I made a small goal with myself that I’d start running at the park by my house and try to run 3 laps without stopping. I’d see if I could do it in 6 weeks’ time. I didn’t end up starting that week though. I think within the next week or so my group coach on my Noom app said to plan to do a new activity. So, I started running with the couch to 5k app. About 8-9 months after I downloaded it. I started off running 3 days a week and as per the app’s suggestion and gradually built up my running and stamina. Somewhere around week 4 or 5 I found myself stressed out though. The in-between days of running I was meant to be resting but I kept doing my walking as I wanted to keep my exercise Monday to Friday with a possible bonus day on the weekend. My thighs weren’t fully recovered by the time I’d get to my next run day and while it was fine during the run, I’d get to a point where even with stretches it was painful to move around and I was so tired. I talked it over with my goal specialist on Noom and said how I was worried about injuring myself. I started looking into advice with running and watched a few videos of others who have done couch to 5k and advice for running in colder weather. So that week I took off after only running twice. I also thought about why I had to run Monday to Friday. There was no real reason why. I still saw Saturday and Sunday as my weekend even though I’ve been unemployed the whole time. I did like that it was quiet during the week, but I thought maybe I should allow myself a day off during the week if I felt I needed it and just make sure to do something over the weekend. So, I ended up going back to week 3 and repeated that for 2 weeks then went to week 4. I can’t remember now if I repeated week 4 as well but by the time, I got to week 5 I was doing a lot better. I also changed my running to every two days during the week as I preferred running at the park during the week. It ended up being that I’d run Mondays and Thursdays or Tuesdays and Fridays depending on what day I’d start running. At the end of week 5 was my first 20-minute run with no stopping. With Couch to 5k you would have breaks that would be prompted by my running coach on the app. This was the first time of running with no breaks. I worried if I’d be able to do it. But I also kept worrying about if I’d be able to do the increased running each time that happened too and I felt so good afterwards and proud of myself for making it. So, I just paced myself as I was taught to do. And I noticed something big on this run. I not only ran 3 laps without stopping, but I also ran 6 laps without stopping! I’d completed my goal! It felt like a big win. I didn’t care if I didn’t do it in the time I set out to do it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned with my focus on my health is that time is not a problem. As long as I complete my goals and continue with things, I’m happy. This week I’m on week 6 for the third time. I started week 6 just before Christmas but I found the second run was quite rough for some reason, so I allowed myself to stay on week 6 for a bit before moving on. I also noticed that my legs are a lot strong now and wonder if I can handle running 3 days a week again. So Wednesday I’m going to attempt to run for 25 minutes straight and see how I am by Friday. I’m enjoying kind of experimenting with my exercise and routine to see what works best for me. I’ve also ordered some trail running shoes. I first decided to order them for when there’s ice and snow on the ground so I can still run. I run in the cold and rain just fine, so I thought it best to prepare for running in snow. I’m going to change up my running route as well. I’m hoping to start running in the fields and bridleways by my house. I like the scenery and it will be a nice change of pace. I was also thinking eventually running on the roads by my house but beyond running to town I’m not sure where else to go. This past Friday the park I run at was closed due to a police incident so I decided to run near the house and found it is a lot hillier than I realised and I just can’t quite handle that. I can do a bit of hill but one of the roads would have been uphill the whole time which is too difficult for me. Though it might be a future goal. I know of another park I could run to or run in that I also like to visit for walks and to hang out with friends. Anyway, I titled this post about why I run. There are several reasons. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know of a little bit. At the end of 2019 I weighed over 300 pounds. I never wanted to weigh that much and here I was at 309. This is also the first time I’m openly talking about my actual weight online. Currently I weigh in at 281. It has been slow going but I’d rather it was slow going and easy to keep off than fast going and then I fall back into old habits and quickly gain the weight back. Something I did when I was 18 and 19 and nowhere at the weight I am now. But believe it or not, I’m not actually running to help me lose weight. My decision to run was just to get myself to do it and now it’s to get myself to stick to it. I won’t complain if it helps me lose weight though! I’ve found I enjoy the energy I get as well from running and while I might be sore and achy as well, I can get more stuff done around the house. I like the way I’ve built up my fitness and stamina as well. I sometimes do aerobic exercises and dance exercises and ones that I once thought were too intense I can easily keep up with now. I also like running to enjoy nature and get out of the house and be alone in my head. Because I am focusing on the running, I’m not distracted by all the things I need to get done and can just feel a bit of peace. I run also to prove that you can be healthy and big. I know there are others out there that think being plus size means you are lazy and I’m just one of many to prove that wrong. I’m also here to prove that I love myself for who I am right now. Not who I want to be. So, my running is an act of self-love and self-care. Anyway, that’s it for today. I hope my post encouraged you in some way. I’m more than willing to talk more about my journey to a healthier me and give any advice or tips. Though I am by no means an expert and every person is different, I don’t mind sharing what I know. Until next time…

So I thought I’d write a post on why I started running. A few years ago I thought I’d give running a try after talking it out with a therapist as far as ways to get my exercise in and to help elevate my mood. I found it difficult to really know how to start and when to give myself breaks. I’d run home after work (in my work clothes with a backpack on) as it was downhill for a good ways and I was excited to get home to my kitten Marcey. I couldn’t tell you why I stopped. I think I hurt myself in some way and needed to recover and then never got back into it. For the last year I’ve been on a journey to better myself. One of those ways is my health. I decided I’d eventually give running a try again but I wanted to get my fitness up before I did it. I downloaded Couch to 5K app as well as Noom. Noom I’ve been using for about a year now. Noom has been great to get my life back on track and create a healthy relationship with food and my body. I found with the right exercise that I enjoy being active. I’d create little goals to complete each week whether it be to eat more of certain foods, not have loads of sweets. Or it’d go to exercise in some way, increase my step count and try to do 10,000 steps so many days a week. So far I can manage about 3 days a week but as long as I exercise 5 days a week it doesn’t matter. I also give myself mental breaks and allow myself to relax and take days off from exercise and pushing myself to be healthy. If I slip up, I just right back to it the next day. Over the summer I made a small goal with myself that I’d start running at the park by my house and try to run 3 laps without stopping. I’d see if I could do it in 6 weeks time. I didn’t end up starting that week though. I think within the next week or so my group coach on my Noom app said to make a plan to do a new activity. So I started running with the couch to 5k app. About 8-9 months after I downloaded it. I started off running 3 days a week and as per the app’s suggestion and gradually built up my running and stamata. Somewhere around week 4 or 5 I found myself stressed out though. The inbetween days of running I was meant to be resting but I kept doing my walking as I wanted to keep my exercise Monday to Friday with a possible bonus day on the weekend. My thighs weren’t fully recovered by the time I’d get to my next run day and while it was fine during the run, I’d get to a point where even with stretches it was painful to move around and I was so tired. I talked it over with my goal specialist on Noom and said how I was worried about injuring myself. I started looking into advice with running and watched a few videos of others who have done couch to 5k and advice for running in colder weather. So that week I took off after only running twice. I also thought about why I had to run Monday to Friday. There was no real reason why. I still saw Saturday and Sunday as my weekend even though I’ve been unemployed the whole time. I did like that it was quiet during the week but I thought maybe I should allow myself a day off during the week if I felt I needed it and just make sure to do something over the weekend. So I ended up going back to week 3 and repeated that for 2 weeks then went to week 4. I can’t remember now if I repeated week 4 as well but by the time I got to week 5 I was doing a lot better. I also changed my running to every two days during the week as I preferred running at the park during the week. It ended up being that I’d run Mondays and Thursdays or Tuesdays and Fridays depending on what day I’d start running. At the end of week 5 was my first 20 minute run with no stopping. With Couch to 5k you would have breaks that would be prompted by my running coach on the app. This was the first time of running with no breaks. I worried if I’d be able to do it. But I also kept worrying about if I’d be able to do the increased running each time that happened too and I felt so good afterwards and proud of myself for making it. So I just paced myself as I was taught to do. And I noticed something pretty big on this run. I not only ran 3 laps without stopping, I ran 6 laps without stopping! I’d actually completed my goal! It felt like a big win. I didn’t care if I didn’t do it in the time I set out to do it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned with my focus on my health is that time is not a problem. As long as I complete my goals and and continue with things, I’m happy. This week I’m on week 6 for the third time. I started week 6 just before Christmas but I found the second run was quite rough for some reason so I allowed myself to stay on week 6 for a bit before moving on. I also noticed that my legs are a lot strong now and wonder if I can handle running 3 days a week again. So Wednesday I’m going to attempt to run for 25 minutes straight and see how I am by Friday. I’m enjoying kind of experimenting with my exercise and routine to see what works best for me. I’ve also ordered some trail running shoes. I first decided to order them for when there’s ice and snow on the ground so I can still run. I run in the cold and rain just fine so I thought it best to prepare for running in snow. I’m actually going to change up my running route as well. I’m hoping to start running in the fields and bridleways by my house. I like the scenery and it will be a nice change of pace. I was also thinking eventually running on the roads by my house but beyond running to town I’m not sure where else to go. This past Friday the park I run at was closed due to a police incident so I decided to run near the house and found its a lot more hilly than I realised and I just can’t quite handle that. I can do a bit of hill but one of the roads would have been uphill the whole time which is too difficult for me. Though it might be a future goal. I know of another park I could run to or run in that I also like to visit for walks and to hang out with friends. Anyway I titled this post about why I run. There are a number of reasons. If you follow me on Instagram you’ll know of a little bit. At the end of 2019 I weighed over 300 pounds. I never wanted to weigh that much and here I was at 309. This is also the first time I’m openly talking about my actual weight online. Currently I weigh in at 281. It has been slow going but I’d rather it was slow going and easy to keep off than fast going and then I fall back into old habits and quickly gain the weight back. Something I did when I was 18 and 19 and no where at the weight I am now. But believe it or not, I’m not actually running to help me lose weight. My decision to run was just to get myself to do it and now its to get myself to stick to it. I won’t complain if it helps me lose weight though! I’ve found I enjoy the energy I get as well from running and while I might be sore and achey as well, I can get more stuff done around the house. I like the way I’ve built up my fitness and stamita as well. I sometimes do arobetic exercises and dance exercises and ones that I once thought were too intense I can easily keep up with now. I also like running to enjoy nature and get out of the house and be alone in my head. Because I am focusing on the running I’m not distracted by all the things I need to get done and can just feel a bit of peace. I run also to prove that you can be healthy and big. I know there are others out there that think being plus size means you are lazy and I’m just one of many to prove that wrong. I’m also here to prove that I love myself for who I am right now. Not who I want to be. So my running is an act of self-love and self-care. Anyway that’s it for today. I hope my post encouraged you in some way. I’m more than willing to talk more about my journey to a healthier me and give any advice or tips. Though I am by no means an expert and every person is different, I don’t mind sharing what I know. Until next time…

Getting There…

So It’s been about two weeks since I posted anything. It was a bit busy around here with Christmas and New Years and just enjoying the holidays. I came down with a cold the evening of New Years Day so I’ve been busy battling that but I think I’m at the tipping point of getting better. I had my registration appointment for the doctors today and it went well except for the fact I did not get my prescription for more acid reflux meds cause it was a nurse doing my registration and only 4 nurses can give prescriptions and she was not one of them. I did find out that I can find some meds OTC but the one I found was only 10mg and not as cheap as it would be to get a prescription. But it will do for now until I can get an appointment for a prescription. Mike and me have started on being healthier in the new year. So far my exercise has not been good. I need to make myself get out more but its hard to do when I have nowhere to be and am still struggling with feeling comfortable going anywhere. But I’ll be making myself do that more even if its to go to town and visit the library a few times a week. So that is the plan for tomorrow to go about in town. So for now I’m just chilling out and then making some dinner for when Mike gets back from work. Nothing terribly existing for today but I do find it interesting the difference with the doctors. I do find it a bit harder to get what I need when I want it but they just have a different system for going about things. Hopefully I’ll have more things to share later or at least have the enthusiasm to share but I guess I am just tired today.

English diseases love an American body!

So I’m on cold number three since I’ve been here. I’m actually quite over it which is great considering the last one lasted far longer than it should have. But now I got some kind of stomach bug. Great for the weight loss because I don’t want to eat anything and if I do it isn’t much! I’ve never gotten colds so much before. I actually went a few years without getting a cold. And now average about one a year and it’s usually in the Spring (rather than winter). I probably should have gotten some kind of flu shot in retrospect but I’m not too keen on them. I’d rather allow my body to become immune to what ever has taken over. I’m hoping I don’t get anymore after this cause I’m sure tired of buying cold meds.

Beyond my body issues though a lot has gone on in the last week. I’ve had reviews and a presentation for the midterm time of the year. I only got graded in one though. I’m trying to find a library to audit still and got a semi response from one. If I don’t hear anything by the middle of next week I need to contact them again. My presentation went better than I expected. I actually got a very good grade, I think the best I can get. I might need to revise my objectives though for my dissertation. I’ve been told they’re quite ambitious. Which I can agree with. But I’m happy with the way it went. I figure this weekend I can relax a bit and then next week I can start doing more for my papers and then the start of my break can be the writing/reading part.

In other news, I found a friend from home is pregnant. She isn’t just any friend either. Back when I was 13 and awkward in middle school. I used to looooooooove the Backstreet Boys. I had their posters covering most of my room and I would pretty much wear a BSB shirt everyday. I used to get made fun of so much that in the next year I rarely wore them but one day I was walking to my locker. Unfortunately there was a bunch of classes finishing and they were all going the opposite direction of me so I was along the side of lockers mine was in trying to get by. I of course was wearing a BSB shirt. I was nearly at my locker when I nearly ran into this girl who was a bit taller than me. So the first thing I see is her shirt. It’s a Backstreet Boys shirt! She notices the same thing too and we both point at each others shirts and are like cool! I declare I have that shirt as well (though I barely got to wear it cause the hem was coming out after wearing it twice and my mom hadn’t gotten around to fixing it yet). We both were pretty happy about that but I think we both had to be on our ways. But that made my day. It wasn’t really until a few months later I saw her again (we were on teams in middle school so you didn’t see everyone all the time) and we hung out with a mutual friend. We ended up becoming best friends and nearly inseparable. I had a lot of friends I found to be my best friends while growing up but they never lasted as long as my friendship with Allison. We either grew apart, ended up hanging out with others or just realized we didn’t like each other that much. Right now I wouldn’t really say Allison and me are as close as we used to be, we got into a fight sometime after high school over something dumb and didn’t speak for almost 2 years. I eventually decided to get back into contact with her because I wondered what she was up to and I did miss her a bit. In that two years I think we grew in different ways. We had a lot in common still and had our history of friendship but it didn’t feel like it used to. We didn’t talk everyday like we used to, we would go weeks or even months without talking because we were caught up in our lives. But I will say this, she still a friend and possibly one of the longest friendships I’ve had. So to discover last week that she was pregnant was just shocking. I had mixed feelings because I was happy for her but I’m also worried for her because as much as I think she’ll be a good mom, it will be hard and I don’t know how involved the father will be. I’m also bothered that I can’t actually be there for her either. I’m really hoping I might get to come home to see her before she’s had the baby or close to after. I’m definitely planning on buying gifts for the little guy or gal.

And I hope no matter what she’ll always be happy. She deserves it and that kid will have a great mom. Anyway that’s all that’s really been on my mind. I’m going to a concert tomorrow and I’m hoping my stomach will be back to normal so I can drink. Oh yeah I’ve lost like 5 pounds since I’ve started this myfitnesspal. Though it won’t say on there cause I didn’t weigh myself until after I started the site. Anyway, back to my relaxing!